


Falling Slowly

by Isrut



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 04:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6690463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isrut/pseuds/Isrut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fic inspired by the song Falling Slowly from the movie Once: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzQ9VrnNQLQ</p>
<p>Poe and Finn remember the ups and downs of the relationship before they reach the present, 2 years after the explosion of StarKiller Base.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Slowly

**Author's Note:**

> I was originally writing this as a back of for the Stormpilot Big Bang, but it ended up too short, but I have another fic going for that so I'll post this one now!

_I don't know you_  
But I want you  
All the more for that

 

**Poe Remembers:**

 

He had accepted death as his only option, when he was stuck to the interrogation device.  There was nothing at the time that could convince him otherwise. So when he found himself marched out of the room and not to his death but into a small hidden space, Poe was confused. Didn’t they make executions all official and public? Seems like a sorry place to die.

 

It took him a full moment to realize that something was off. There was a stormtrooper who wasn’t acting like one. He wasn’t going to kill him but instead he was asking him about escaping and flying tie fighters. All Poe could say was “What?”

 

The trooper removed his helmet to show the man inside. Poe can’t stop from staring, hope was fluttering in him. This couldn’t be happening. The man wasn’t resistance, and yet excitement was starting to make his fingers twitch. He could feel the dried blood on his face crack with his grin.

 

“I can fly anything.” Poe boasts. The stormtrooper’s features flicker from fear to hope. Whoever he was, Poe was happy to have someone on his side, whether they made it or not.

  
  
_Words fall through me_  
And always fool me  
And I can't react  
  


**Finn remembers:**

 

FN-2187’s fingers felt tingly and twitchy as they entered the TIE fighter. He only rode in ships, not flew or co-piloted them. He was only good for shooting. The resistance member was talking to him, guiding him. It was way more complex sounding than a few button switches and a trigger.

 

“I need you to slow down, can you go over it-”

 

“No time. You’re about to get on the job training.” Poe said as they lifted off, though they didn’t get far, as there was a tether still attached to a wing of the ship. FN-2187 prayed to anyone listening that he didn’t risk everything to free the wrong man. He didn’t have long to think on that before having to shoot at other stormtroopers. This was taking too long though. The resistance fighter kept saying he had it under control but FN-2187 wasn’t so sure now. A strange feeling of panic was building in him, what if they didn’t- **SNAP.** The TIE fighter went skittering free with a whoop and happy yell from both occupants.

 

He learns as they fight for their life that the man’s name is Poe Dameron. FN-2187, in returns, clips out his designation number.

 

“FN… FN what?” Poe shakes his head. “No way, not using it. FN, huh? How about Finn?”

 

“Finn…. Yeah! Yeah I like that!” If they weren’t trying to dodge seekers, TIES and lasers, FN-2187 might have been a bit more abashed about the name. It wasn’t something he’d been allowed to have before.

 

Then he lost it all as they crashed.

  
_And games that never amount_  
To more than they're meant  
Will play themselves out  
  
  


**Poe remembers:**

 

He was barely on the tarmac for more than a few seconds when he hears the familiar whir of BB-8. Poe kneels down by his droid and grins with excitement. He thought he had lost him back on Jakku. He lost a lot of things on Jakku. BB-8 is telling him something quick and his brows knit when hear hears Finn’s name in the binary. Was that a malfunction? He shook his head a moment.

 

“What?” He breathes and looks over to the side and was stunned. Standing there, looking as confused and lost as Poe felt, was Finn. Maybe it was a mirage, some sort of space sickness causing visions but no he was real and alive.

 

“Poe Dameron?” He could hear him call across the way. Poe felt himself lifting out of his kneel and began jogging towards him.

 

“Finn? Finn!” Poe shouts in elation. Two things. He lost two things at Jakku and he got them back. The impact of their embrace cause Poe to lift off the ground just a moment before settling back down. A homecoming hug had never felt so great.

  
[Chorus:]  
_Take this sinking boat and point it home  
We've still got time_

 

**Finn remembers:**

 

After Starkiller Base, things began to fall apart. Finn’s healed from his injuries and in the beginning things are nice. Poe helped with his recovery. Whispers of the start of love pass between them as they keep each other company at night. But as things got serious Poe began to be around a lot less.

 

Finn stood in the doorway of their, no his… Poe’s room. He was packing a small bag, flight suit tied low on his hips.

 

“Where are you going now? You just got back a few days ago?” Finn said for what felt like the third time this month. Poe paused mid grab and glanced up. He looked tired, a bit addled, his mouth moved soundlessly before swallowing thickly.

 

“Mission. War waits for no one, you know? Should be back soon, I promise.” He said giving a small smile. “I’ll stay longer next time.”

 

“You said that last time.” Finn said, his voice a bit emotionless. _Trick me a third time… or however that goes._ The ex-trooper sucked in a breath and took a few more steps into the room. “Poe-” Poe had moved to meet him and cut him off with a kiss. It was almost startling, the veracity and emotion behind it on Poe’s side. Finn was tense under his hands, understandable, Finn was angry with Poe. He had barely been back on base a whole 24 standard hours and was already off again.

 

“I promise.” He whispered. Then he pulled back, grabbed his bag and left, leaving a stock still Finn, mentally reeling. Rey hasn’t come back. Poe keeps leaving. Finn is always stuck here on D’Qar. He’s been helpful from a tactical standpoint but he doesn’t know if he can survive this without shutting it all out.

  
_Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice_  
You'll make it now  
  
  


**Poe remembers:**

 

He’s been trying to keep Finn at a distance and failing. Poe’s fallen for the kid, but he’s already pushing a pilot's life expectancy as it is. There’s so much fighting left to do. After taking down Starkiller they’ve become a target, especially until the base can be moved. Every mission Poe takes brings him closer to brushing hands with death. One day every fancy turn he knows won’t save him, and he’s afraid of what that could do to someone he’s seeing seriously.

 

This mission went fine. His squadron took out a few lone TIE fighters that had been clipping and taking down republic ships on tradelines. As he pulls out of hyperspace above D’Qar, he’s hit with every emotion he’s been keeping from Finn. Longing, love, and need. He doesn’t move his ship forward, and the rest of his squad won’t advance until he does. As a reminder BB-8 chatters at him.

 

“Yeah… Yeah okay, let’s land.” He says into the comm, his voice cracking just slightly. He heard a voice patch over to him.

 

“Everything alright?” Snap asked carefully. His fellow pilot had also been on his case about taking so many missions. He warned him to take a break but Poe had refused. So as to not wound his pride Poe nodded, though, to himself. Snap couldn’t see it from his ship.

 

“Yeah, it’s all fine. Just love to see D’Qar. It’ll be missed when we make the move.” Poe said, a small grin to his voice as they made landing procedures.

 

On the tarmac, he felt like he was seeing Finn again after Takodana. Same emotion welling up in him, less running and embracing. He met Finn halfway and gave him a smile, he opens his mouth to speak but finds himself speechless. The words ‘I Love You’ stick in his throat every time he lands and sees him now.

 

“I told you I’d be back.” Poe offers instead and nodded toward the mess hall. “I’m starved, coming?” He doesn’t wait for Finn to follow, his chest hurts from everything. He doesn’t know if they’ll survive this.

  
_Falling slowly, eyes that know me  
And I can't go back_

 

**Finn remembers:**

 

General Organa finally is letting him go off world. Finn hasn’t felt this excited since, well, in a while. He’s being trusted to lead a tactical team on a scouting mission of a suspected new base of the First Order. It’s his turn now to pack a bag. Finn still stays in Poe’s room, even if they seem to be growing apart. There’s something that keeps drawing them back.

 

The pilot fidgets on the bed. He knew Finn would eventually go into battle, but he hoped it was still further off. It’s ridiculous for him to believe that no one in the resistance would be put in the line of fire at some point. The only sound in the room was the rustle of clothes as Finn neatly packed them. Not too much, but enough to cover the types of weather they may encounter. Finally Poe spoke up.

 

“Finn I-” Poe stops, it looks like it hurts him to say it, whatever it is. Finn watches him, lips parted just slightly ready to respond to whatever he wanted to say. “I’m proud of you.” Finn licked his lips, swallowing his reply and smiled just a bit.

 

“Yeah, it’s been a long time coming.” Finn zipped up his bag. “I have to be…” He gestured to the door. It’s time to go, he doesn’t know what to do. Poe stands and pulled Finn into a tight hug.

 

“Don’t do anything dumb, you come back at the first sign of trouble. Don’t be a hero.” Poe said breathlessly. “You already were one…” Finn let the words settle in his mind, it was probably the closest he’d get to ‘Be careful, I love you.’

 

He carries those words in his chest as his team look onto a construction site, nestled in a jungle. The team was able to keep out of sight due to Finn’s knowledge of First Order routines. Every once in a while, he’d send his gaze to the sky, watching, waiting, just in case.

  
  
_Moods that take me and erase me_  
And I'm painted black  
  
  


**Poe remembers:**

 

Poe took a mission while Finn was on his. Like hell he’d stay in that room alone, it’s been occupied by two for a while. His mission was to a different star system, another simple run to keep him busy. Check out some reports of activity, usually nothing, come back, have a beer. His last mission was a week before, so no one could complain about resting. He’d be fine.

 

But he wasn’t fine. This location had been a trap. It was a situation he had feared for a while. Poe didn’t use to care as much, but having someone who was waiting for you made you want to come back each time. Poe, Snap and Iolo take down a few TIEs but they’re more outnumbered than usual. He hears BB’s scream before he feels the shot fry his controls.

 

“Black Leader! Poe!”

 

“Get out of here, Snap! I’m fine.” Poe said as he felt his ship being drawn into the planet's atmosphere.

 

“We’re not leaving you.” Iolo said gravely. Poe couldn’t see the fight anymore, but smoke was beginning to fill his cabin, and BB wasn’t responding.

 

“Leave now when you get an opening. That’s an order from your commander.” Poe said between coughs.

 

“Poe FUCKING Dam-” Poe silenced his comm. He’d start a beacon, but he’d rather not let the Order know where he landed. He tries to pull up slightly, it may make a difference if he lives or not. When he can’t he also realizes it’s too late to eject. Poe closes his eyes and waits, there were words left unsaid, apologies to be made. He needs to fix this thing with Finn. Force if he survives this, he’ll do it. Because dying without letting him know his feelings would leave his soul in a limbo of regret.

  
_You have suffered enough_  
And warred with yourself  
It's time that you won  
  
  


** Finn remembers: **

 

He landed after his first mission and was worried almost instantly when he didn’t see Poe or Poe’s x-wing. Finn did have a lingering thought that maybe he had gone on a mission, but Finn’s mission had lasted longer than he already had planned. Whatever Poe had gone off to do, he should have been back. He doesn’t have much time to think about it before he is whisked off to debriefing. Standing at the table, with his troops, Finn relayed the mission's discoveries to General Leia and the other high ranking officers.

 

“There is indeed construction happening on world. It’s surprising they’re getting much done, the jungles are dense. But we found a tunnel the Order is using to get supplies in and out…” He trailed off glancing around at the officers, his fingers twitched a moment. “We took extra time to scout out where their landing pad was. They have ships and mainly construction crew. Sansil was able to do a terra scan so we could bring the basics back. We couldn’t risk staying longer than we already had.”

 

Leia had nodded along and then gestured to Sansil to bring the data forth. They plugged it into the table and continued to talk for another two hours. Leia held Finn behind after the meeting and had him sit down. He already knew, he had to know. Something was wrong and he knew it the moment he landed.

 

“Is he okay? Where is he?” Finn blurted, finally letting his panic show. “His ship isn’t even-”

 

“Finn.” Leia’s voice silenced him, her hand on his shoulder had him sag just a little. She told him what happened. Poe was found in his downed Xwing. He and BB were brought back to base just yesterday. Poe’s alive but not conscious. His injuries were bad and he slept in the bacta when they brought him here and he’s healing fine. Finn shook the whole time with anger and sadness. He finally couldn’t sit there anymore, he stood up so fast the chair went skittering behind him. Leia had to take a step back to not get hit by him on his way up.

 

“Thank you, General.” He said, not quite getting the emotion he wanted in those words, but he had too much turmoil bubbling under his skin. Then he turned and left striding off to medbay.

 

They didn't bother to drag him out, Finn would have knocked them all to the ground, instead they let him into the private room they had for Poe. Not quite released from intensive care until he wakes.

 

When the door closes behind him, Finn takes it all in. Poe’s body is bruised, lips are cracked, and he looked like shit. There’s a spot in his hair that was shaved back, exposing flesh that now has healed via bacta, showing possibly how close he came to not making it.

 

Finn exploded.

 

“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?” Finns voice was loud, louder than anyone on base had ever heard. It could be heard out in the front of the medbay and the doctor had to keep people from checking on them. Dr Kalonia knew Finn wouldn’t do any harm to Poe. The sound continued for minutes on end muffled yelling, loud, angry and hurt. His voice raw from the strain and emotion, he finally sank into a chair. “Poe.” His voice cracked. “Don’t you dare leave me, I don’t think I could do it….”

 

Finn laid his forehead on the bed. The past months had been torture, Poe always leaving, coming back to share brief seconds with him before tearing himself away again. He’s so angry that the both of them let it come to this. The burst of emotion and stress from the whole situation has him falling asleep at Poe’s bedside.

  
[Chorus:]  
_Take this sinking boat and point it home_  
We've still got time  
  
  


** Poe remembers: **

 

Waking up feels like shit, but he didn’t think he would wake up at all. His body hurts still, too much to feel the initial panic of being alive, and his eyes close against the light of the room. A sigh escapes him and seems to take some dust and cobwebs with it, clearing his chest of something. His fingers twitch and brush along something distinctly not fabric. Eyes crack open again and blink away the blurriness of his world. Poe moved his gaze down to where his hand was, and there lying next to it was the back of Finn’s head.

 

Promises. He broke so many, and yet here he was, still by his side. There was a promise he made, it feels like just moments ago, that he needs to keep. It takes all of his quiet courage to do so as he didn’t expect to survive the crash at all. His hand lifted and rested gently in Finn’s hair, fingers brushed over the cropped style.

 

“I love you.” His voice was so soft, Poe could hardly hear himself. It was Dameron luck that saved him, and Finn’s love that brought him back. Or he hoped it was. If Finn still loved him. Poe closed his eyes and sighed again, it shuddered through him. _I love you…. Please still love me…._

 

_Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice_  
You've made it now  
  
  


** Finn remembers: **

 

Finn had woken when he felt the touch of fingers in his hair. He refused to move, terrified. What if Poe heard everything from last night? He decidedly kept his eyes closed and body still and waited. If he hadn’t been so focused on Poe already he might have missed it.

 

“I love you.” It sounded so dry and far away, like fallen leaves just barely rustling together. But it was the first time Poe’s said it. It took the man almost dying but he did it. Poe’s hand slipped from his hair to the much easier reach of Finn’s hand, and with the rattling sigh he knew he couldn’t be dreaming it. He closed his eyes tighter than before.

 

He was so tired of all this. The pull and tug of their relationship, it was hurting them both. Love or not. The both settled back into silence before Poe took a longer rasping breath and tried again.

 

“I love you.” Finn couldn’t help himself this time. Was it worth it? _YES_. Finn finally lifts his head, to ease both their hearts. Poe looked even shittier in waking, but he was awake and that’s all that mattered. His knee dipped the bed as he tried to gain height and leaned over him. Poe seemed to stare up at him in watery eyed awe, unable to move much, but too much in shock to see Finn’s reaction. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to Poe’s. His hands lightly cupped Poe’s bruised jaw and Finn closed his eyes.

 

“I love you too.” He said as soft and fiercely as he could. “If you ever do this to me again, I’ll kill you.” Poe grinned just enough, because he believed it.

  
_Falling slowly sing your melody_  
I'll sing it loud  
  


“I don’t know how we did it.” Poe said as they sat on the edge of the landing strip, legs dangling off the edge as they looked over a flower filled valley. Finn sat next to him, both in relaxed civilian wear. It’s been a year since they finally made it official, though they don’t really have but this small break to celebrate it.  This was the second base this year. At least this one had amicable weather and something to look at. The planet before was desolate and hot.

 

“I was going to give up, at one point. Just close myself off and soldier mode the rest of the fights until the end…” Finn admitted, they don’t talk too much about the dumb shit before all this. But now was as good as any to do so. They were solid enough in their relationship that talking about it wouldn’t bring up anything too terrible or make them grow apart. Poe was looking at him in disbelief.

 

“No…” It was all he could say. Finn would have just turned into a trooper again, just on the other side. Cut off from feelings and emotions to protect themselves from everyone. Poe didn’t realize how far he had pushed him. But Finn was quick to change it.

 

“Yes. But I couldn’t. You’re damn unshakable, Poe Dameron.” Finn said grinning down at the gold band adorning his right hand. He thumbed at it with a smirk. Poe had just given it to him an hour ago. He’d have to go get one for Poe now.

 

“Good, I suit you, Finn Dameron.”  The pilot said leaning over to steal a kiss, Finn pulled away though with a teasing scoff.

 

“I’m not Finn Dameron yet.” He chided and nudged him. “But it sounds nice. I like it.” Finn grinned and leaned it to press his forehead against Poe’s.

 

“Can I kiss you now?” Poe mumbled lowly, as his lips pulled into a soft smile.

 

“Yeah.” Finn said with a grin. “Yeah, you can.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me your thoughts, love and comments!


End file.
